After learning their parents plan to divorce, children experience several emotions. They’ll feel sad, confused, anxious and angry as they process the information.
There are times, though, that their anger is a manifestation of parental alienation.
A form of abuse
Parental alienation(PA) refers to a situation where one parent uses manipulation, lies and other tactics to turn their children against the other parent. Some methods include:
- Speaking negatively about the other parent in front of the child
- Falsely accuse the other parent of some type of wrongdoing, such as abuse or extramarital affairs
- Encouraging the child to reject the other parent
- Undermining the other parent
- Restricting visitation or communication
PA could be considered a form of psychological abuse and leave the child with long-lasting emotional scars. The child could feel pressured to choose sides, causing them to experience confusion, guilt and anxiety. Children who were victims of their parent’s manipulation may have difficulties forming healthy relationships later in life and may be more likely to experience substance abuse.
Children psychiatrists recognize the impact that PA has on the children and the targeted parent. They use a Five-Factor Model to determine if the family is experiencing PA, including the children manifesting some typical behaviors associated with PA, such as:
- Believing one parent is all good and the other is all bad
- Mimicking some of the phrases the favored parent uses
- Refusing to feel any guilt regarding their behavior toward the targeted parent
- Extending their hostility to the targeted parent’s extended family
One way to prevent PA is by family courts making shared parenting the default custody agreement. After all, they recognize the benefits of children having strong, loving relationships with both parents. They may also require all family members to engage in therapy in an attempt to repair the damaged relationship between the child and the targeted parent.
Having your child turn against you is painful and heartbreaking. But it’s vital that you don’t lash out at them, as they are also victims. Stay calm and composed while documenting everything. Continue to keep communication open with your child and don’t attempt to retaliate by badmouthing the other parent, as this can worsen the situation.
You will also want someone to help you build a strong case against the alienation and advocate for your parental right to be a part of your child’s life.