The holiday season is meant to be a time of joy, but for parents navigating shared custody arrangements, it can also bring its own set of challenges. When children are splitting their time between two households, balancing traditions, schedules and emotions can become a delicate act.
For those co-parenting this holiday season, here are some tips on how to compromise with your ex-spouse and make the holiday season as smooth as possible for everyone involved.
Communicate early and clearly
Open and early communication is important for successful co-parenting during the holidays. Reach out to your ex-spouse well in advance to discuss your holiday plans. Whether you need to set expectations about travel dates, gift-giving traditions or meal plans, communicating early can help prevent misunderstandings and hurt feelings. In Hawaii, where families may be spread out across the islands, communication is especially important to help ensure travel and logistics are handled smoothly.
Be flexible with your plans
Holidays are a time of tradition, but they can also be a time for generosity and compromise. Try to prepare yourself to adjust your usual plans to accommodate your ex’s wishes so that your ex may be more inclined to do the same for you. If one parent typically hosts a holiday gathering on Christmas Eve and the other on Christmas Day, try rotating or splitting the time to allow the children to enjoy both celebrations. Flexibility and a willingness to adapt can go a long way in reducing tension.
Prioritize your children’s needs
While it is natural for parents to want to spend quality time with their kids during the holidays, their children’s well-being should be the top priority. Try to give your children a say in the decision-making process when appropriate. For instance, if your child has a special holiday tradition with one parent, be understanding if they want to participate in that tradition, even if it means adjusting your own schedule.
Avoid using your children as pawns
It can be tempting to use the holidays to “win” more time with the kids, but this can be emotionally damaging for everyone involved. Try to keep your focus on creating a peaceful and enjoyable experience for your children. If you and your ex can model respect and cooperation, you may teach your children valuable lessons in conflict resolution.
While cooperation between co-parents is often an important part of creating a happy holiday season for a child, there may be times when a holiday custody arrangement simply isn’t working. In such cases, a custody modification may be required to ensure that the child’s best interests are met. If you find yourself in need of a change, it is important to seek legal guidance to navigate the custody modification process and help ensure any custody adjustments reflect your child’s best interests.